Monday, November 29, 2010

What's Up?

Lady Chatterly's Lover - never read it, liking it a lot

I'm so happy I can listen to Christmas songs now! Happiness

Because of the heat I am loving all types of cold salads, caprese kebabs, niçoise salad, things like that

Iced tea, iced coffee, iced anything and everything. Also, I made the world's most delish sangria yesterday with chardonnay, brandy, white grape juice, guarana soda (a drop), fresh plums and cherries. Heaven! It tastes like I Heart Dior smells - fuity happiness

Putting up my Christmas tree tomorrow - oh joy!

Saw the new Harry Potter yesterday and it was awesome - buenos tiempos indeed

RIP Leslie Nielsen

It is with a heavy heart that I write today as the news of the parting of one of my favorite actors has reached me only moments ago. If you follow this blog you know how I feel about Leslie Nielsen. He has brought so much laughter and happiness to so many. He will be missed.

It is impossible to talk about his greatness without mentioning his greatest achievement - super silly movies. To recall his lines in Airplane, Wrongfully Accused and Naked Gun is to get a glimpse into the man who made the most ordinary phrases fantastic. Hollywood will be hard-pressed to find a replacement for him.

When I need serious cheering up there is no amount of meditation, deep breathing, or what-have-you that will do the trick as quickly as a few minutes of quality time with my good friend Leslie who has never let me down. I don't remember where I was when the Berlin wall came down - who does? But I do remember where I was when I first watched The Creature Wasn't Nice and Dracula - Dead and Loving It. Do you remember the last question on your last test in high school? No. But I'll bet you remember what Frank Drebin read when he was trying to wake everyone up at the President's dinner in Naked Gun 2 1/2.

We say goodbye to a great hero this week. I raise my glass to you Leslie Nielsen - May you rest in peace, you beautiful cotton-haired bastard!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Holidays and Whatnot

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us and while the spirit of this wonderful American holiday remains very much American in theme, we all choose to celebrate it in the Roman fashion - stuffing ourselves beyond reason then falling asleep because there is no way we could ever get up and walk away.

For me at least, it's a time to reflect on whether or not I want to do this 2 or 3 more times - in lesser or equal volume - over the Christmas holidays. The answer is an unequivocal no, but due to all the tryptophan in the turkey I not only get sleepy, I also have selective memory loss and forget what it all entails and move forward with the ridiculous obstinacy of a 2 year old only to be surprised at the amount of work and stress I've brought upon myself.

Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. By this logic I would say that I'm insane. Completely out of my mind. You know why? - because even though I know I'm going to be cooking and cleaning and spending like a freak, my hands will be reduced to nubs and stubs, my bank account a punchline, and my house a three ring circus, I'm still going to do it and hope that the outcome is different because I love seeing my family, especially all the siblings I don't see often as they live in different countries and states. We're a majorly loud and obnoxious bunch with a very peculiar sense of humor and I love it.

So I'm going to face this first of several holidays, rally, and go forth with my golden helmet of Mambrino and my lance and charge that windmill giant that is the Christmas holiday season at full speed. Oorah!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Man From Earth

This movie is brilliant. I can't review it because it would lose its charm, so I'm just going to say that I highly recommend it. It's different, not commercial, not predictable, not boring. It's a group of people in a room talking - and it never feels stale or long. It's based on a book by Jerome Bixby, renowned science fiction author. Watch it. Totally worth it.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


So as it turns out, I make stuff up. I didn't realize I was such a major Pinocchio fibber, but like the guy in Big Fish, apparently I need help. Very specific memories from my childhood have turned out to be nothing more than the overactive imagination of a ridiculous child. Go figure.

I remember hearing a story my Majah used to tell us about how my Dad rescued her from some pervy rapist Moroccans in Holland. I retold this story numerous times and every time it sounded more and more like an action film starring Vin Diesel. A while back we were having one of our rowdy Sunday lunches and I asked Majah to tell the story and it was so different from mine that I couldn't tell it was the same story. Somehow when I heard it as a child I imagined it as well and my fertile mind went wild. Mother gave me an inch and I took a friggin' league. I was disappointed, but I survived.

Today I found out that once again I just made stuff up and convinced myself it was fact and passed it off to others as truth. Many years ago, about 100 to be exact, I was 5 yrs old and very impressionable. We lived in the south of Brazil, I had a mutt named Canela (Cinnamon) and an old fusca my brother and I converted into our club house. We both shared a bicycle and we were forced to eat the most awful food imaginable because my Majah was a devout follower of Adelle Davis - the cruelest woman alive. I'm talking orange juice with brewer's yeast cruel. So far, so true.

Somehow I got it into my pea brain that my Fajah drew cartoon strips for an erotic magazine. I remember my brother and I messing around in his office and finding things that confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that my father made a living by drawing sex stuff. Say it ain't so. Fine, it ain't so. My father was not working for an erotic magazine, did not sit around drawing sex stuff and was not Vin Diesel. Is there any truth to anything I remember? As it turns out, Fajah worked for a magazine with varied subjects - non of which were sex related - and mostly drew political cartoons and on occasion a couple making out or so, but there was no nakedness and definitely no porn.

Now I find myself questioning everything. Like, did Fajah rescue me from a drunken bum who tried to grab me late one night when I was on his shoulders and we passed by a bar. In my recollection he punched the living daylights out of him - which wasn't difficult since he was so drunk. Then he walked into a phone booth, changed into his leggings and cape and flew me to safety. Well, the first part about punching the drunk guy at least has to be true, right? Right?

I'm Back

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. It has not only influence my normal everyday life, it has also effected my creativity. Things that would normally not bother me have been getting under my skin - or just downright pissing me off. On the one hand an innocent bystander could say that I have lost it, on the other hand however, the issue could be everyone else and not me at all.

Several times over the last few weeks I have had blogworthy experiences that I've ignored because I just knew I wouldn't hit the mark - far from it, I'm pretty certain I would bore you all to tears. For example, I watched Eat Pray Love. Did you watch Eat Pray Love? Well, I did - snore. If I'm being fair I will point out that her trip to Italy was very enjoyable. It was fun, delicious and very Julia. The rest of the movie however was boring. The whole story revolved around an overly needy, ridiculous American who refused to be happy even though she really had no cause for discontent. Even when faced with less fortunate individuals, having a wonderful dream job, friends and family who love her, she insisted on being a drag. In Brazil we have an expression for people like her - mala sem alça. It means a suitcase without a handle - very difficult to carry, a dead weight.

I decided not to blog about it when I realized that all of my friends and sisters enjoyed the movie immensely and only had good things to say. For the sake of clarification I'm going to let you know now that my friends and sisters were not referring to the book which from what I hear is a whole new world of exploitation of the needy, divorced, unhappy middle aged woman. An adventure into mediocre writing and lack-wit mush. Having been forcibly subjected to the ocean of stupid that was The Shack I have stayed away from all overhyped books like the plague.

Having said that, I urge you all to watch it, because from what I gather I am alone in this belief and need to be institutionalized. I feel like Elaine Bennes when she watchet the English Patient on Seinfeld and hates it and then ends up losing her job and getting shunned from polite society, ostracized and made to feel less than mentally sane because of it. Favorite line in that episode: Die already! Just shut up and die! Hilarious.

I'll ask you all to bear with me as I try to find my way back to faithful blogging and being awesome again.

A bit of good news though - William has officially asked Kate to marry him and gave her his mother's beautiful ring. A wedding is soon coming and if it's anything like Charles and Diana's we're in for a real treat. I remember watching it on TV as a child - it was a magical, surreal, fairytale wedding that the world will not soon forget.

Tata for now!